Wednesday, February 13, 2013

comb for life the filament

My brain is alive. I am now awake. I want to stay awake. I want to have a life I am proud of. I am generally proud of the life that I have right now. It is not perfect, it has the potential to be better; but, I am proud of it. I am not consumed by sex anymore. I am not consumed by academia anymore. I am not consumed by guilt or shame anymore and I am happy about that. Are there some sexual, academic, and/or guilty and shameful thoughts lingering in my head? Yes, of course, but they no longer consume me, individually or collectively. I know my goals now. I know the sort of life I want to have: a literary life, a life in which I spend much of my free time reading and writing, increasing my personal brand on the internet, cultivating followers and appreciators of my work. My life would increase exponentially if I were to secure a job, which would afford financial compensation, which could be used to (1) pay off student loan debt and (2) enjoy some personal luxuries, such as alcohol, eating out, purchasing books, etc., etc. But until then, I ought not let my current unemployment prevent me from enjoying life. And so, for these reasons, I do not want to sleep right now. I want to stay awake, I want to keep reading this novel I just started, I want to go to my computer to write more of the novel I just started, I want to post more poetry on the internet, I want to read eBooks I downloaded for free, etc., etc.

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