Tuesday, December 11, 2012

nothing new

i disconnected from the internet

i went to play cards

i turned on tv

my sister and her friend walked in

her friend asked what i was doing

i said i was playing solitaire

her friend said i should play it on a computer like a normal person

i said i did not want to stare at a screen all day

my sister said i was watching tv

her friend laughed

i went to lie on my bed

i picked up a collection of poetry

i read the first poem

i did not understand it

i reread the first poem

i still did not understand it

i put down the collection of poetry

i connected to the internet

i checked my email account

i checked my social media sites

i checked my email account again

i checked my social media sites again

i lied down

i stared at the ceiling

i thought about the past

i thought about the future

i closed my eyes

Monday, December 10, 2012

felt mild paranoia and surpirse that my smart phone became an extension of me

i got the iPhone4 in july for my twenty-fourth birthday
if i had waited a few months i could've gotten the iPhone5

if i had waited to leave indiana by going to an in-state college
maybe i could have moved away permanently by now

Saturday, December 8, 2012

went to get a drink

looked at the clock
on the way to the sink
and was surprised to see
it was 8:33pm

seemed like it should have been
both earlier and later than 8:33pm

felt perplexed by 8:33pm

felt in that moment that
the particular minute 8:33pm
was an entity who existence
was both bizarre and unnecessary

then it was no longer 8:33pm
and these feelings dissipated

the water was cool and refreshing

Friday, December 7, 2012

stupid



Wasting the space that’s meant for us
Losing the time we thought we knew
Wasting the space that’s meant for us
I out-matured, out-grew you

god this is shit
it doesn’t make sense

sometimes i just want to drive my car as fast as it can go
so the grip of the wheels is lost and the car crashes and
the steering column goes through my chest

Thursday, December 6, 2012

anxiousness



I want to live in my room and never leave
and drink coffee and tea all day
and drown myself in culture

I want to run and jump and scream and die
and fall to the earth and remain untouched
and unwanted by strangers on their way to work

I want to call bullshit on my co-workers
but my job would be terminated
and there are so many bills, there is so much debt

I want to be honest and open with people
but that is not the sort of life I have;
guess I shouldn’t blame others for my problems