Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

cult classic

i feel like Harold a lot

but i am not rich

and i don't have a Maude

what things are they some of?

i just want everything to be dead
i just want everything to be
i just want everything to
i just want everything
i just want
i just
i

Monday, February 25, 2013

because such things are such a problem

i will shower once again,
which (yes, in fact) is twice
today, but how else can i be
when all the world around me
is so dark and dim, so old and
dirty? & i (yes, in fact), i am now
seeing all of that within my reflection

my favorite word rn is 'vacillation'

my vacillating thoughts are lost
to a cacophony of oscillating synths

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Monday, February 18, 2013

Sunday, February 17, 2013

boring

where's the baby?

there's the baby.

that baby's got a thing on it's head.

it's a birthmark.

it's something.

it's right on it's forehead.

it's a birthmark.

very unfortunate.

'Notes from Underground' by Fyodor Dostoevsky

i want to put things inside you

not just sex things

important things

like my thoughts

and my books

9/21/12 5:14pm

i come from insanity

my family's insanity

Friday, February 15, 2013

70mph

i am very aware of my stomach

because i have eaten crap

and my stomach feels like crap

and i feel like i am going to be sick and i'm sweating

and i feel sort of high but in a bad way

like i took two OxyContin on an empty stomach and now i feel nauseous

and i think 'oh god oh god oh god i feel awful i feel bad is this reality time feels terrible i feel terrible i want to throw up i don't want to throw up do not throw up please throw up get it over with is this going to last forever is this reality i don't want this reality i want out of reality i want to be dead'

Thursday, February 14, 2013

John Maus is good but this song is not a mirror

we hit rock bottom
yeah
i wish i was a maniac
i wish you were a maniac
i wish we were fuckin maniacs
i wish we were fuckin maniacs
oh

we hit rock bottom
yeah
i wish i was a maniac
i wish you were a maniac
i wish we were fuckin maniacs
i wish we were fuckin maniacs
oh

the city of love is the city of fools
you're chattel and horse, shoulda stayed in school

the city of love is the city of fools
you're chattel and horse, shoulda stayed in school

the city of love is the city of fools
you're chattel and horse, shoulda stayed in school
the city of love is the city of fools
you're chattel and horse, shoulda stayed in school

yeah
i wish i was a maniac
i wish you were a maniac
i wish we were fuckin maniacs
i wish we were fuckin maniacs
oh

we hit rock bottom
yeah
i wish i was a maniac
i wish you were a maniac
i wish we were fuckin maniacs
i wish we were fuckin maniacs
oh

mardi gras is always on a tuesday and it is always fat

there was a movie with john cusack

there were women, lots of women

and john cusack

the problem with people who do lots of hallucinogens is they almost always by default believe in higher powers

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

comb for life the filament

My brain is alive. I am now awake. I want to stay awake. I want to have a life I am proud of. I am generally proud of the life that I have right now. It is not perfect, it has the potential to be better; but, I am proud of it. I am not consumed by sex anymore. I am not consumed by academia anymore. I am not consumed by guilt or shame anymore and I am happy about that. Are there some sexual, academic, and/or guilty and shameful thoughts lingering in my head? Yes, of course, but they no longer consume me, individually or collectively. I know my goals now. I know the sort of life I want to have: a literary life, a life in which I spend much of my free time reading and writing, increasing my personal brand on the internet, cultivating followers and appreciators of my work. My life would increase exponentially if I were to secure a job, which would afford financial compensation, which could be used to (1) pay off student loan debt and (2) enjoy some personal luxuries, such as alcohol, eating out, purchasing books, etc., etc. But until then, I ought not let my current unemployment prevent me from enjoying life. And so, for these reasons, I do not want to sleep right now. I want to stay awake, I want to keep reading this novel I just started, I want to go to my computer to write more of the novel I just started, I want to post more poetry on the internet, I want to read eBooks I downloaded for free, etc., etc.

caffeine drive 2

experimental, incremental,
monumental, monolithic,
monosexist, poly-exist

Golden-amber Sunlight

Two dead leaves
skittering on the ground,
chasing each other like
a persistent admirer
pursuing the coy beloved.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

yesterday was ~the 3rd time i listened to Pyramid Song and enjoyed it

i've had RAIN DOGS for over a year now

i've listened to the first few songs several times
but i hadn't bothered listening to the album
all the way through

one day
about a week after buying it
i tried listening to the album
all the way through
but i fell asleep before i reached the end

yesterday i decided to listen to the album
all the way through
on a whim and i made it
all the way through

i enjoyed it
i am happy i listened to the album
all the way through

Friday, February 8, 2013

1/31/13 9:26am

the problem isn't
he cannot see
it's what he thinks
he can

may the healing last

That sunny personality is
now emitting from your flesh.

anger

i could just
fucking slap you
goddammit!

Ameliorate

i woke up at ~4:39am

i drank all the water that remained in the cup

i went to the desk

i drank all the water that remained in the bottle

i laid down on the bed

i felt a slight moisture (a greasy ooze) emitting from my pores

i thought 'good'

i rolled over and picked up my iPhone

i wrote this in the preinstalled Notes app

Thursday, February 7, 2013

my doctor diagnosed me as diabetic

At a Popeye's, I asked,
"Got any salad?"
"No," said the cashier.
And I thought to myself,
'no wonder diabetes is rampant in
the African-American community.'

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

pasta never was the answer

she thinks that he talks too much

all of them talk too much

observation 4

Gradually,
darkness arrived
in patches.

i generally feel 'out of it' after eating

i'm a little tired now
i think
maybe

i don't understand why people would buy and own a professional sports team

my uncle kept talking a bunch of
shit about resetting your internal
sleep clock by staring straight into
the sun and all i could do while i
tuned out his conspiracy theories
was think about holding you while
we laid in bed and inhaling your
scent from the hair growing at the
base of your neck and that was
where i kissed you once, before i
closed my eyes and slept

review of a poem by ellen kenney

i am unemployed. i have tried applying to several places that have claimed to be 'hiring.' one of those places was the writing center at a local college. i was excited to work there and i had references. i envisioned scenarios were i was happy and working at the writing center. i never applied. situations like that have happened several times during the course of my 'job search.' i felt a deep connection to ellen kennedy when i read 'i might work in a laundromat!' and i thought 'yes, i understand' and 'i like this poem' and 'i like these other poems too.'

you should read the poems in her poetry collection here.

coffee time

my coffee maker likes to
tick, click, and hiss
when i've been ignoring it

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

rude husk

feign politeness by
saying 'excuse me,'
but do nothing to
accommodate space

old italian proverb

you can bring the
brothers together
but you cannot
make them hug

an uncomfortable atmosphere

the people at the Men's
Warehouse are very friendly
so far

the people at the Men's
Warehouse are serviceable to the
point of being subservient and
slavish

the people at the Men's
Warehouse dress nice and expect
their customers to do the same

the people at the Men's
Warehouse feign politeness to
increase their chances of selling
apparel and shoes

i will never be married

i'm not really doing anything

i kind of feel like crying
but i can't right now

there is a heaviness in my gut
in my stomach
and i know i've eaten too many meatballs

fucking meatballs
fucking weak willpower
fucking mind for allowing the body to consume so many meatballs

i shouldn't blame myself

but i do

i do

camomile tea

i am sad
and quiet
and sitting alone
and this, i think,
is the essence of
solitude

my evenings are spent alone in my room

i never really got around to
listening to this Jonsi album
because it reminds me of you
because you put it on my Zune

people give me shit for having a Zune
but i like my Zune
and i like that you have one too

i've often thought about making a tweet
that said something like:
"The good thing about a Zune is it is its own crime deterrent"
or something like that

anyway, i was looking for something to listen to
and i came to the J's
and i saw 'Jonsi'
and i thought about how i hadn't listened to his album yet
and how it was probably because you had given it to me
and now i'm repeating myself
and i'm not sure if that's good or bad
because people don't want to read the same thing twice
but it is said that when an author repeats him/herself
it means the repeated thing is important

you were repeated in my life
and then you were gone

11/7/12 6:39pm

the people that i live with
never do surprise me

Monday, February 4, 2013

cheap


Though it costs a pretty penny to make $0.01,
The coin survives with its head held up.

But Lincoln was not fortunate:
Through his head a bullet flew.

Yet you bought what you've been sold and,
With an empty head like his, YOLO

(Delight in hallucinogens and intoxicants;
Ride and fuck and suck and slurp unprotected people).

You succumb to petty superstition
When Lady Luck is on your mind,

Which is what you use for freedom.
In place of tithing as one ought,

You rub and horde a lucky coin--
Liberty is one red cent.

Very Weird

The fog will lift up from the melting snow
on the ground
and swirl provocatively above the houses
until night
when it will slowly descend and envelope
the houses
so that no one can see their neighbors and
everyone
will sit inside quietly, doing nothing, and
feel content.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Take My Hand

Take my hand, you quiet, pleasant thing.
If you but lead me home, I shall protect you from the world,
from the rain and sunlight both alike.
I have spent my time and money on those less deserving
than the beauty that you are,
so now--with courage and bravery, with lust--take my hand.

drown out the banality with music

North we journeyed, traveled,
drove home from Indianapolis
after visiting familial females.

9/7/12 2:00pm

i know i am my mother
and i know she is her father

Friday, February 1, 2013

1/25/13 12:34pm

you sit quietly, thinking
to yourself:

Why does it have to be this way?
It shouldn't have to be this way

but it is

nothing grows and grasps me

i am a man unnoticed by the wind
it passes through as though i were a soul

it was 3 degrees

i went out to shovel the driveway
and i shoveled the driveway
and the patch of lane just in front of the driveway

the neighbors' son who is around my age was also shoveling
and i considered saying 'snow! amiright?'
but i didn't

haiku 4

i am very full
and feel kind of sad inside;
why am i like this?

a light scream for help

I will lead you out into the night
And we will walk
And I will think about holding your hand
But I will not hold your hand
Because I am waiting for you to hold mine
And I've been waiting on you for two months
And still today I wait
And yesterday I saw you sharing glances with a man across the way
And I know that I am foolish for clinging to the thought of 'us'
And these damn lines feel like a stale-used cliche
Because I've been talking of unrequited love for ten years now
And I just don't understand what it is I'm doing wrong
What it is I do not have
Because I have longed for longer than I can recall
And I am tired, I am empty
I want to be done with these feelings
With these sadly sagging passions
And with every day that passes
My heart droops a little lower
And I can tell it soon will spoil
If my burdens aren't relieved
But I cannot address you in a manner such as this
For to hear an outright 'no' would be a blight upon my mind
And so I'm dangling
Hanging onto the hope
That on one moonlit stroll
You'll reach out in the dark
And take my hand in yours